Not quiet :)
After hearing the commercial on the radio an hour earlier, I had made a mental note to hurry with the project I was currently keeping busy on, postcard writing, so I can be on time to buy my ticket.
6:50 pm rolls around and my head snaps up from my desk and panic sets in. Where did the time go? And surely, when there is panic, self doubt and negative thinking is guaranteed to not be far behind.
Self doubt is debilitating especially when one has this conversation going on in their head:
- "You're not going to make it on time. Might as well just wait for the next one."
- "Why go out in the cold when you're nice and cozy at home? And it's dark outside! What if you get attacked? Is it even worth the effort and danger?"
- "Don't kid yourself. It's not like you're going to win anyway!"
I told myself NO! I have to go! I have to do this!
Even when he said be careful out there (not that we live somewhere dangerous) his words of warning played right into one of my negative thoughts, I still went out.
There were so many obstacles just to get out the door but I did it!
Besides being this girl...
Even if I don't make it on time, I still overcame my self doubt and squashed and kicked the negative conversation to the curb where it belongs. As for the being attacked, well I have to trust the universe and myself. If it is my time to die, then I will drop dead no matter where I am anyway.
These last few days has taught me to be strong and to believe in myself. ^_^ Slowly I am getting my confidence back and along with that comes inner strength to fight for my well being.
So what was the outcome of tonight?
Well, as I said I reached the counter 2 minutes after the cut off.
But a miracle happened.
The lady in the counter had printed one ticket just before the cut off. She's allowed to print one just for this very reason. When she told me this I was surprised and beyond ecstatic! While she was ringing me through, a customer behind me overheard this and asked if there were any other tickets available, but there wasn't. For a few seconds I had entertained the thought that I should give her mine because it's Christmas and all but I said no. I deserve this ticket after all that work. And selflessness is just another thing I will have to work on. But not today. One thing at a time.
So the moral of this story is: Show up! Be committed. Even when something looks doubtful, just do it anyway. You never know there might be a reward at the end of your hard work. Life is full of surprises to help you live it to its fullest.
If I had stayed home, nothing would have been accomplished and I would not be in the running for the millions of money. And if my numbers don't get picked, I still feel like a million bucks for showing up and overcoming self doubt.
Also, be kind to those you encounter. This lady and I have made small talk before and I want to believe that it had something to do with my luck. You just never know ;)